Sleepless voices

by Pälvi Puro Rantala

 

 

I lie in my bed

once again

it's night and I

should be asleep

 

I lie in my bed

and turn

towards the world

towards my body

towards my mind

 

There they are again, the voices

Prolonged sleep deprivation is linked to strokes. Did you know that?

Yes, I knew that, thank you very much.

And insomnia has been shown to have an adverse effect on cardiac
health.

Knew that, too.

There is strong evidence that sleep disorders are linked to a risk of
developing cancer. And diabetes.

Would you please just shut up! This doesn't help me
one bit.

Too little sleep can cause considerable weight gain over a short time period.

IT'S ALREADY HAPPENING AND YOU'RE A LIVING PROOF OF IT!! HA HA HA YOU FAT COW!

 

That's enough!

You should not stay in bed if you can't fall asleep.

I know. I know.

I rise from the bed

open the window

Very good! Fresh air is good for sleep, many experts say. The ideal
temperature for the bedroom should be no more than 15 degrees.

Wow, where did you dig that up? There is no way I
could sleep at that temperature... Is your advice from
Medieval times?!

 

The city around me, never silent

The wind is always there, singing, shouting

cars honking

windows clacking

And the radiator, hiss, hiss, how can it be so loud?

Dust flies, I can hear its silent noise

invisible sound

 

***

 

My spouse snores in our bed

deep in his sleep

in a world I cannot reach

 

 

Did you know that the faces of people suffering from a sleep disorder
are rated as less attractive by other people than the faces of
people who had a good night's sleep?

SO, YOU'RE NOT ONLY A TIRED FATTIE
BUT AN UGLY ONE, TOO!

Tiredness weakens social relations.

Tell me something I don't know.

NOBODY LIKES YOU!! EVERYONE HATES
YOU ANYWAY SO WHY BOTHER!!

 

I lie on the sofa

in my own staying-awakeness

And the border between me and the world

is so weak

Ei hätää. Ei haittaa. Nuku vain.
Kaikki on ihan hyvin.

 

***

 

In my bed again, the night is silent and still

 

My body is tight, it's creaking

 

Relax your muscles. It helps you to sleep.

I know! I know! I just can't!

It is only a matter of learning. Human beings need to sleep. All
creatures are able to sleep.

YOU STRESSED-OUT BITCH YOU CANNOT
EVEN SLEEP HA HAHA HAHHAHAHA

Please. Could you leave me alone. It's not a matter of
trying. I know trying doesn't help, at all.

YOU'RE LOUSY EVEN AT SLEEPING!!

Breathe in. Breathe out. Remember what you did in the yoga class.
Now concentrate on your breathing. Iiiiiiinhale. Eeeeeeeeexhale.

Aaaaaahhh.... Ooooommmmm.......

 

My ears are humming
blood running
nose sniffling
knees snapping when I change position,
once again

at the same time
billions of microbes whispering and crying

Do microbes sleep?

WHO CARES IF MICROBES SLEEP OR NOT!
ONLY A CRAZY LUNATIC WEIRDO WOULD
THINK ABOUT SUCH THINGS!!

 

But I cannot stop thinking about the ever-vigilant microbes,
running and rushing in me
Dancing
Singing in a choir, a sweet song about staying awake

(WHAT THE.....????)

 

***

 

I lie in my bed, once again

it's night and I

should be asleep

You should sleep eight hours a night. That is the norm. That is
healthy, according to the statistics. There are many, many studies. As
you know.

I am not the norm! I am me!

Night is the proper time for sleep. The only proper time.
Lack of sleep hinders your efficiency and ability to concentrate.
Thus, it causes economical loss to your employer.

 

 

Stop bringing this up all the time.

BAD BAD BAD! LOUSY WORKER! THE
COMING WORKDAY IS ALREADY LOST!

It is the duty of every good citizen to take care of their own well-
being. Sleeping is a crucial part of it.

BAD BAD BAD! LOUSY CITIZEN!! YOUR
IRRESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOR ---

Could you just let me be!

Ei hätää. Ei haittaa. Kaikki on
ihan hyvin. Kaikki järjestyy.
Älä huolehdi. Nuku vain.

HA HA HA DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT
IS HELPING????

 

Maybe I could try to count sheep

It never made a difference but I could give it a try anyway, right?

 

Many people have experienced counting of sheep as helpful.

 

OK. Let's start, then.

 

White (one)

white (two)

white white white gray (three, four, five, six)

 

Then: a long pause

There are no sheep coming, where are they?

But suddenly: a rush

Blackblackblackwhiteblackgray

Is it the rush hour of sheep, or what the heck is happening here?

BAAAA, BAAAA, BAAAAA, BAAAAAAA

The sheep are yelling without pause, my ears ache

They all have so many things to say!

Please be quiet! Please. Would. You. Be. Quiet.

 

Finally, a silence.

 

Well I knew it wouldn't work

YOU CANNOT EVEN COUNT SHEEP
PROPERLY!!! YOU'RE NOT ONLY
SLEEPLESS, BUT SHEEPLESS TOO,
HAHAHA

It is not a matter of counting. I just think it is a cultural
cliché.

***

You could have a glass of milk. Or a banana.

I don't like milk.

Also, light exercise before bedtime would be good for you.

That's what I do already.

NO YOU DON'T YOU LAZY BITCH!!

And a regular daily rhythm. Especially during the evenings. Routines.

 

I have a regular rhythm in my evenings.

REGULAR MY ASS!!!!!

You should avoid drinking coffee in the evenings. And alcohol.

I do.

YEAH RIGHT. YOU LIAR!

You should close all electronic devices two hours before going to sleep.

I do that!

OH REALLY

Yes, that's what I do.

YOU'RE ON DENIAL. ADDICT.

 

Whale song is soothing and has brought relief to many people with
sleeping problems.

That sounds creepy.

Or some relaxing music.

Yeah, that I could try.

I put the headphones on

and fall into a weak slumber

 

the music runs into me

this chord finds a place in my right elbow

the next one in the left

the chorus pulsates in my stomach

the melody travels into my legs

reaches the toes and

turns back again

The song makes its nest in my chest

and stays

The music in my veins

turns into bright yellow

then purple

 

***

 

I listen to all the voices from the sky

the air is whispering

 

Forgotten voices of the past

All the sleepless

I'm not the first one!

 

 

They used to stay awake

for love

counting stars

or listening for omens

to honour God, any gods

So many reasons not to sleep!

 

My skin writes in itself, on itself

the voices of all bad sleepers

YEAH, RIGHT...

Yep. And now it's time for you to shut up!

AAAALRIGHT MILADY

 

 

If I touch my skin, my cheek

elbow, arm, knee

my skin sings the songs of the sleepless

and the border exists no more

 

 

I forget to be worried

I forget to be afraid of being awake

 

 

My spouse is snoring in our bed

I touch his back, feel the sound

warm and soft

I stay there, find the same rhythm

 

Nuku vain. Olet turvassa.

 

 

Good night. Sleep well.

 

NIGHTY NIGHT

Hyvää yötä. Nuku hyvin.

 

 

Selection of photographs made Ella Vihervuori in response to the poem.